No Such Thing as Meaningless Football

The final week of the NFL season is going to be a lot of fun. Right now there are four remaining playoff spots with ten teams still mathematically alive for them. The marquee matchups are in the NFC with the Packers playing the Bears for the NFC North title and the Eagles playing the Cowboys for the NFC East. The Cardinals-49ers games features a matchup of two teams with double digit wins, the 49ers having clinched a spot and the Cardinals needing a win to stay alive. Even the Saints-Buccaneers game presents drama, with the Saints facing possibilities ranging from the two seed to not making the playoffs at all. In the AFC the Dolphins, Ravens, Chargers, and Steelers all maintain hope of earning the sixth seed, though the scenarios are too complex for me to do anything but link to them.

And then there are the other eight games, contests featuring teams that have either clinched a playoff berth or been eliminated altogether. While some of these games still remain interesting due to seeding or draft position, no team’s season is at stake. There is no logical reason for anyone other than a fan of one of the competing teams to watch these games, but that’s never stopped me before. I pride myself on watching any NFL game regardless of meaning. I’ve sat through every Thursday Night Game so far this year, even the Jacksonville-Houston matchup a few weeks back. If there’s football on I’m going to watch it, and if I’m watching a game I’m going to enjoy it. So for those true football fans out there who will end up watching these games simply because you can’t envision a world in which you don’t, here are some things to keep your eyes on.

*Kansas City @ San Diego

Okay, this first game falls into a slightly different category. Kansas City is the only team in the NFL to have actually clinched a specific seed so far, which means they will likely be the only playoff contender resting starters this weekend. On the other hand, San Diego is still alive for the playoffs. But because this game kicks off at 3:25 while the teams they are competing against all play at noon, it’s possible that they may be eliminated before the game begins. Or it’s possible that they could play knowing they only have to win to make the playoffs. Or this game could end up deciding between the Dolphins and the Ravens for the final spot in the playoffs. Tiebreakers are fun.

Anyway, even if this game happens to be meaningless I expect to see San Diego give it their full effort. There might be some letdown once they realize their hopes of continuing the season have been crushed, but they’ll continue fighting against an indifferent Chiefs team if only for the sake of pride. The one player to keep an eye on is Keenan Allen. A rookie third round pick from Cal, Allen has been the primary target of a rejuvenated Philip Rivers since their top two receivers went down to season ending injuries. He leads rookies in receptions, receiving yards, and receiving touchdowns. He should probably win Offensive Rookie of the Year, and this is his last opportunity to pull away in an incredibly tight race.

Semi-Meaningful

All these games involve teams that have already clinched a playoff berth but have yet to lock down a specific seed. A couple are still fighting for the division title, but they’ll make the playoffs either way. All of them are going against teams they should beat handily, though I expect we’ll see at least one upset in this group. Someone is bound to decide they are happy with wherever they end up and lay a dud of a game. My money’s on Carolina, but I wouldn’t put it past Indianapolis.

Jaguars @ Colts

As I said on Wednesday, the Jaguars are the most depressing team in the NFL. There is very little reason to be hopeful for their future, and they don’t even have anyone to get excited about on their team right now. Maybe Justin Blackmon could be for them what Josh Gordon is to the Browns, but right now he can’t stay sober long enough to get on the field (though you do have to give some props to a guy who can blow a .24 at 10 am.)

So I guess if you’re going to watch this game, you should watch the Colts, specifically the Colts’ wide receivers. Everybody knows about the skill and potential of Andrew Luck, but so far his stats haven’t reflected his actual performance on the field. A major reason for that is the cast that his been built around him. His offensive line has been terrible since he stepped onto the field, and once Reggie Wayne went down with a torn ACL he was left with almost as bleak a picture at receiver. TY Hilton is their best option, and while he’s a good player he isn’t a number one receiver. Watch this game and you’ll see Luck complete passes to a group consisting of Griff Whalen, Lavon Brazill, and notorious fast guy Darrius Heyward-Bey. Right now, their best option in the passing game may be checkdowns to Donald Brown, who is enjoying a surprising breakout season.

Bills @ Patriots

I covered this in my post on Wednesday, but it needs repeated. The Bills haven’t beaten the Patriots in New England since 2000. That’s twelve straight losses, and if I was going to bet I’d expect the number to go to thirteen. The Patriots still need to win to clinch a first round bye, and they have an outside shot at the top overall seed. They won’t be taking any plays off, and they should be able to beat up a mediocre Bills team.

There isn’t much interesting going on with the Bills, so I’ll draw your attention to what the Patriots have done this season. Coming into the year this wasn’t a particularly talented team, and the injuries they have suffered have been devastating. Their best defensive lineman, linebacker, tight end, and offensive lineman are gone for the season. They’ve missed games from their best wide receiver, cornerback, and running back. They’ve suffered a thoroughly mediocre year from Tom Brady. And somehow they keep winning games. An easy schedule in one of the league’s weakest divisions has helped, but there is no way this team with these injuries should be sitting at 11-4. I don’t think they have what they need to win the Super Bowl, but we should all marvel at the job Bill Belichick has done with this depleted roster.

Panthers @ Falcons

As I said above, this is a game I could see turning into a good contest. Carolina has plenty of reason to compete, with the division title and a possible shot at the top seed still in contest. They’re coming off a thrilling win against the Saints that capped off a string of ten victories in eleven games. At this point they are playing for a first round bye, but they may subconsciously decide it’s just as worthwhile to take it easy this week.

You should instead focus on a player going against them. All signs indicate that this will be the last game of Tony Gonzalez’s Hall of Fame career, which is something that should make every football fan cry a little. Gonzalez is one of only two players you could call the best to ever play his position without much dispute (the other being Jerry Rice) and the NFL will be a different place next year without him. He has caught a pass in more than two hundred consecutive games, second all time to Jerry Rice. He has more than 1300 career receptions, second all time to Rice. Even now he’s retiring not because he has lost a step (80 receptions, 800 yards, and 8 touchdowns show that he hasn’t) but because he’s ready to move on with his life. Good for him, I suppose, but it’s sad to think that tomorrow is the last time we’ll ever get to see Gonzalez play football.

Rams @ Seahawks

This game has meaning for the Seahawks, who are looking to clinch the division and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. It also gives them a chance to reclaim some pride after losing at home last week. They’ll play their starters, and they’ll probably win. This is a really good football team.

If you must watch this game, watch it for the Rams’ defensive line. Chris Long has been quietly spectacular for years, which is something you don’t often say about a former second overall pick. His ability to rush the passer and stuff the run makes him one of the most underrated players in the NFL. Michael Brockers is also young and talented, but the player to really keep your eye on is Robert Quinn. Yet another incredible defender from the 2011 draft, Quinn leads the NFL with 18 sacks on the season. He has five in the past two weeks, including a pair of sacks that forced the Saints to bench their starting left tackle for a third round rookie. He dominated the first matchup against the Seahawks, accruing five tackles and three sacks. This time, however, he has to go against one of the best left tackles in the league in Russell Okung. That’s the matchup to keep your eye on during this game.

Broncos @ Raiders

Like Seattle, a win by Denver would clinch home field advantage throughout the playoffs. And while that’s certainly important, much more attention is going to the records they are set to break. Peyton Manning has already passed Tom Brady for the most touchdown passes in a season, and in this game he has a chance to set a mark that will be difficult to top. He also needs only 266 yards break Drew Brees’s single season record. The offense as a whole needs 18 points to become the highest scoring in NFL history and 28 to be the first to ever reach 600. Against this Raiders defense, it would be a surprise if they didn’t reach all these marks by halftime.

If you try to watch the Raiders, be prepared to see a team that has quit on the season. This was a lost year from the start as GM Reggie McKenzie attempted to clear the terrible contracts he had inherited from Al Davis’s final years at the helm. A few unlikely wins early in the year couldn’t change the course of this season. The only player to keep your eye on is Terrelle Pryor. Early in the season Pryor was their best player on offense, but he fell apart midway through the year partially due to injuries. He was replaced by Matt McGloin who followed a similar look-really-good-then-look-thoroughly-mediocre trajectory. But if Pryor is healthy, he is one of the most exciting players in the NFL. It will help that he’ll be going up against a Broncos defense adjusting to the loss of their best player and likely uninterested in doing anything other than watch the offense win the game.

Utterly Pointless

These games mean nothing. There are no playoff implications on the line and no records that may or may not be set. Draft position is the only thing to be competed for, and these games don’t even offer much towards that. In all likelihood, at least five of these teams will be looking for a new head coach in a week’s time. Maybe six, if the Giants and Tom Coughlin go their separate ways.

Texans @ Titans

The only thing at stake in this game is the first overall pick, and I don’t see Houston losing control of that. They didn’t lose thirteen straight games only to screw it up the last week of the season. Incidentally, the Titans are the last team they beat, with an overtime victory in Week Two that served as a coming out party for DeAndre Hopkins.

The Titans have no reason to try, but they will probably still pull out a decent effort. This is likely Chris Johnson’s last game in Tennessee, so expect him to have either 170 yards or 17. I don’t see him having just an average game. The player to really keep your eyes on plays for Tennessee’s defense. Jurrell Casey has been one of the best pass rushing defensive tackles in the league this season, and it’s a shame he wasn’t able to make the Pro Bowl. Whoever plays quarterback for Houston should expect to face a lot of pressure coming up the middle.

Giants @ Redskins

I’ve struggled to find any reason for anyone to watch this game. Perhaps Rams fans will be interested, considering a Redskins loss guarantees the selection being sent to them is in the top two. But even if the Redskins win, they’re not going to fall outside of the top five. Maybe you want to see the last performance by the carnival that has sprung up in Washington, but as long as Daniel Snyder is owner I doubt it will be going anywhere. There’s not even the excitement of RGIII playing, since he’s been benched for the blandness that is Kirk Cousins.

I suppose you could watch it to see London Fletcher, who like Tony Gonzalez has announced he will retire after the season. But unlike Gonzalez, Fletcher has lost a step this season, and he has recently made comments suggesting he may be backing off retirement talk. Also, if you’re going to watch Fletcher you will have to watch the Redskins defense. Even I would balk at that prospect. Maybe you could watch this game out of pure masochistic thrill, or to see who screws up more often in the matchup of Eli Manning vs DeAngelo Hall.

Detroit @ Minnesota

In this game you have a pair of superstar players in Adrian Peterson and Calvin Johnson, both the best in the league at their positions. They haven’t matched last season’s remarkable achievements, but this game should allow them to cap off successful seasons…wait, Peterson is listed as doubtful and Johnson is questionable? Then why the hell would anyone want to watch this game?

I guess it’s the last that will ever be played in the Metrodome, and that counts for something. This is a stadium that has hosted a Final Four, several World Series games, and a Superbowl. This is a stadium that has seen the two longest plays in NFL history, one of the longest pass plays in NFL history, and the only 99 yard rushing touchdown in NFL history. I’ve attended thirteen regular season games in this stadium, including Adrian Peterson’s record setting 296 yard rushing day. I have a tremendous emotional attachment to this stadium, and even I have to admit it’s a piece of shit. In the last game I went to, security threw out three fans (two wearing Eagles jerseys and one in a Giants shirt) for “relieving themselves” in the upper deck. And pretty much every person I’ve recounted this anecdote to has responded with, “Makes sense. The Metrodome is pretty much one giant toilet.” It’s been a good home to the Vikings for more than thirty years, but it’s time to move on to bigger and better things.