Account of a Traumatized Vikings Fan

This past week the Vikings lost to the Ravens what was probably the most insane football game I have ever witnessed. They set an NFL record with six lead changes in the fourth quarter, five of which came in the final two and a half minutes. Prior to this game the shortest span in which five total touchdowns occurred in a game was 5 minutes and 40 seconds. The Vikings and Ravens combined for five touchdowns in 2 minutes and 1 second. Below is the win probability chart for their game as calculated by Advanced NFL Stats. It looks like it has suffered some terrible glitch.

In most circumstances a game like this would have simply been a fantastically entertaining contest. As a football fan I would have loved to watch this game unfold with a neutral eye. Unfortunately, before I am a football fan I am a Viking fan, with heavy emotional investment in the outcome of this game. As wild as that graph above appears, it doesn’t come close to measuring the swings in my emotions as the game unfolded.

I’ll skip through the early portions of the game—which included plenty of activity in the form of several questionable calls and a depressing injury to my favorite player in the league—and start with the clock set at 2:10. At this point the Ravens are trailing 12-7 and facing fourth and goal from the Vikings’ one yard line. Based on everything that has happened to this point on the season it is hard to envision the Vikings stopping them. On the other hand, the Ravens have been stymied on the last two plays from the same point on the field, and they were stuffed on a fourth and one earlier in the quarter. For a brief few moments, I find myself entertaining hope that the Vikings could hold them out of the endzone.

Touchdown Dennis Pitta.

Well, okay. Disappointing, but not surprising. Touchdown Ravens, with 2:05 remaining on the clock. Even a false start penalty cannot stymie their two point attempt, and they stretch their lead to three points. With Matt Cassel leading an offense that has been ineffective all day, it seems unlikely the Vikings will be able to mount any sort of comeback. I resign myself to defeat.

Normally this would be disheartening, but at this moment it is more confusing than anything else. Over the past few weeks I have faced the dilemma all fans of losing teams must eventually acknowledge. Do I wish success on my team, knowing it earns them virtually nothing, or do I hope for defeat and the benefits brought by a better draft selection? I’ve resolved this dilemma thus far by cheering for the Vikings to win during the game while hoping for them to lose any point outside of actual play. When they defeated the Bears, I was overjoyed. When they were thrashed by the Seahawks, I accepted it as in the best interest of the team. At this point, with the Ravens having seemingly clinched victory, I near the phase of acceptance. I still would love nothing more than to see Matt Cassel lead the team down the field to victory, but I have moved on to the inevitability of a better draft pick.

Little do I realize, this game is far from over. On the first play of the Vikings’ ensuing drive, Cassel hits Jerome Simpson deep over the middle to move them to the Baltimore 41. Even in the questionable conditions Blair Walsh has looked strong kicking all day. Another ten yards would bring the Vikings into reasonable range for a game tying field goal. I begin to envision where the game would go from there, the possibilities of a third straight overtime game. Two weeks ago the Vikings played the Packers to a tie, and last week the Vikings played another absurd game that ended with a Blair Walsh field goal in the final two minutes of the overtime period. With how the offenses had struggled all day, with the unusual weather conditions of the game, I have to wonder if we are headed for another extended overtime period. In the meantime, the Vikings hand the ball to Toby Gerhart on an innocent draw up the middle.

Touchdown Toby Gerhart. 

Holy shit! Touchdown Vikings! With 1:27 remaining on the clock, we have taken the lead! Toby Gerhart burst through that defense like a bullet through a paper target! Like Adrian Peterson exploding out of the womb! Like a running back through a defense that cannot tackle!

A quick aside in defense of the Ravens’ defense. Their issues tackling are not entirely their fault. As the game wore on, the snow falling from the sky transitioned into freezing rain which gathered on the artificial turf and froze nearly solid. For the last five minutes of the game both teams were basically playing on a slick sheet of ice, making it difficult to plant to change directions or drive through contact. In a situation like this, the conditions favor the offense. They can either play as Gerhart did and use their momentum to overwhelm stationary defenders, or they can do as we’ll see later and force the defenders to make sudden changes of direction. This doesn’t totally explain the offensive explosion of the final two minutes, but it played a role.

Okay, back to the game. As the Vikings kick the extra point to extend the lead to four, 87 seconds suddenly seems like a long time. This is a team that has already surrendered four last minute touchdowns this season. This is a team that surrendered a touchdown less than a minute of gametime ago. And the Ravens still have a pair of timeouts remaining. If they can get a big return, past the thirty for example, they’ll be set up in prime position to score for the win. The Vikings line up for the kick, and due to a combination of the weather and a fear of a long return they decide to pooch it up into the air. Smart move. Even if Jacoby Jones is able to run up and field it, he probably won’t get much of a return.

Touchdown Jacoby Jones.

I hate this shit. The Ravens retake their three point lead, and even with two timeouts remaining it seems unlikely we can summon the same offensive success we found on our last drive. Our only hope is on the kickoff, on Cordarrelle Patterson standing in the endzone. Cordarrelle Patterson, one of the most dangerous returners in the league, eager to respond to Jones’s return. Cordarrelle Patterson, who earlier in the game muffed a kickoff in the endzone and appeared doomed to be caught at the ten, only to return it out to the forty. Cordarrelle Patterson, Percy Harvin in Andre Johnson’s body. The ball skips along the ground, Patterson gathers it on a run just outside the endzone—and he’s corralled at the twenty. Even Cordarrelle Patterson cannot save us today.

The next couple plays go just as expected. Two incomplete passes, and the Vikings are facing third and ten on their own 21. The graphics department flashes up that the Vikings are four for sixteen on third down attempts today. So actually a pretty good game. The ball is snapped, Cassel throws it out quick to Patterson, and…

Touchdown Cordarrelle Patterson!!!

At this point, I give up. I don’t know how to project where this game will go from here, how many more touchdowns will be scored in the final 45 seconds. Conventional logic says none. Fifteen years of watching the Vikings tells me it will be however many are necessary for the Ravens to emerge victorious. Right about this time, this happens in the Steelers game. The part of me that is a Steelers fan manages to feel almost as many emotional swings within the span of a single play. As someone who rarely feels emotion outside of the context of sports, I am drained beyond belief. More than anything else, I just want it to be over. I want to rest.

The final drive blurs past. A touchback, a couple big passes, a bullshit pass interference call that nullifies an interception. It all leads to the Ravens at the eight yardline with nine seconds remaining in the game.

Touchdown Marlon Brown.

So that’s that. They squib the ball on the following kick, leaving Matt Asiata to return it to midfield before being hauled down. Two minutes of gametime and nearly half an hour of real time later, the difference is exactly what it was when the Ravens picked up their two point conversion. Save the permanent scars carved into my psyche (and the countless gamblers and fantasy football players sobbing in horror or crying out in triumph) it’s as if the game had ended at the two minute warning.

Next week the Vikings play the Eagles. I’ll be there in person, taking in one final game at the Metrodome. How do you think they’ll break my spirit this time?